Space Out

Still alive and still awesome. The sun has come back to Seattle and so have the tourists. Ride The Ducks went by while I was at the car wash. Much quacking and kazooing ensued. So annoying. When in Seattle, do not hassle the natives.

Dear Tacoma,

Please stop setting your farts on fire. Thanks!

That's Hot!

Sure the internet is full of creepy, unfuckable guys trolling for 12 year olds - but it also has gems like this! Could more be right with the world? I think not!

PleaseDontKillMe.Org

To the elderly woman who almost maimed and/or killed me about half an hour ago....

You might want to look up this website. This sign means you have to stop! What it doesn't mean is that you should blow through the intersection at 50 mph! I don't care how great a sale they are having at the yarn store, I don't want to die! There. I feel better. I know I complain about stuff a lot, but I really do like living. I also like being able to get around without the assistance of a wheelchair. Oh, I also enjoy not having a head injury. I'm actually kind of freaked out that if I had driven into the intersection about five seconds earlier, granny would have smashed into me. Excuse me now, I need a Cadbury coconut creme egg to take the edge off.

Can Polar Bears DJ?

Cause Knut totally has all the right moves!

I can't promise that this is the end of my Knut obssession. It's the perfect storm really - my German heritage combined with my love of polar bears. Maybe I'll be over Knut once he mauls someone. Until that happens, enjoy the cuteness! Or should I say....Knutness.........

If You Squint You Can See The Helicoper

Ever wake up to the sound of about 20 police cars and several police helicopters circling your house at oh, say... 1:30am? I did last night and boy was it exciting! I've carefully documented the nights events in the picture above -no that's not a distant galaxy - That's SPD taking names and kicking some ass! Well kinda - They kicked my ass out of bed at least. Apparently three idiots started shooting at people downtown, the police showed up and told them to stop it, they said FU and took off north on I-5. Next I'm assuming they exited on 65th ST and headed east toward Poopville. We have a lovely park here, what better place to ditch your bullet riddled van, split up and try to get away on foot. And guess what? It worked! Two of these creeps are still out there, one guy was shot and actually walked back downtown to the hospital. Thanks guys! I was going to write a post today about my cat taking a crap in my hair, but this is so much more exciting.

Heather Mills Was NOT In Wings

Can you believe I had this argument with a 32 year old today? Geez. Paul McCartney was married once before to a woman named Linda. She had two legs and was a lot nicer than Heather Mills. She couldn't sing for shit, but Paul loved her and had to have her around all the time so he put her in his band. Damn it people - this is basic pop culture knowledge stuff. I spent ten minutes of my precious morning arguing about this. This is what too much time on your hands will lead to - ridiculous arguments/situations with other people who also have too much time on their hands ---> later this will lead to an awesome post I will call..... I'm Basically Larry David With A Vagina. There I said it. Vagina. And I'll say it again. Vagina!

Fox News Is Completely Retarded

Seriously? Really? It's such a slow news day that you're interviewing that goofy kid who was crying during a taping of American Idol? Oy! It was painful to watch too. Remember being about 12 years old? Sucked didn't it? Now imagine being plopped onto the set of a news show and being asked about your love for Sanjaya by some creepy, old, make-up wearing news anchor. Awkward! If you missed it - I've compiled some of her responses to his intense questioning. "yeah...." and "yeah....hee, hee, hee" and "um, yeah...." Get with it Fox! That was lame. Or should I say - lamer than ususal.

If I ever get my hands on a time machine, remind me to NOT enter the year 1977!

Hey! You Got Shatner On My Reznor!