Cause Knut totally has all the right moves!
Ever wake up to the sound of about 20 police cars and several police helicopters circling your house at oh, say... 1:30am? I did last night and boy was it exciting! I've carefully documented the nights events in the picture above -no that's not a distant galaxy - That's SPD taking names and kicking some ass! Well kinda - They kicked my ass out of bed at least. Apparently three idiots started shooting at people downtown, the police showed up and told them to stop it, they said FU and took off north on I-5. Next I'm assuming they exited on 65th ST and headed east toward Poopville. We have a lovely park here, what better place to ditch your bullet riddled van, split up and try to get away on foot. And guess what? It worked! Two of these creeps are still out there, one guy was shot and actually walked back downtown to the hospital. Thanks guys! I was going to write a post today about my cat taking a crap in my hair, but this is so much more exciting.
Seriously? Really? It's such a slow news day that you're interviewing that goofy kid who was crying during a taping of American Idol? Oy! It was painful to watch too. Remember being about 12 years old? Sucked didn't it? Now imagine being plopped onto the set of a news show and being asked about your love for Sanjaya by some creepy, old, make-up wearing news anchor. Awkward! If you missed it - I've compiled some of her responses to his intense questioning. "yeah...." and "yeah....hee, hee, hee" and "um, yeah...." Get with it Fox! That was lame. Or should I say - lamer than ususal.
Nope, it wasn't Mrs. Bill Gates. Although I was behind Bill in traffic once. The Montlake bridge was going up - he had a huge hissy fit and pulled a big U-turn instead of waiting for the bridge to come back down. Word of advice - when a nerd is freaking out - just get the hell out of their way!
I'm currently watching Man Vs Wild. If you haven't had a chance to see this show you should. Especially if you find hot Englishmen at all alluring. The show is basically this dude named Bear Grylls who is (hot) dumped in the middle of nowhere. He has to live off the land and make his way back to the first sign of civilization. It's pretty great and Bear ends up removing his shirt a lot. Sometimes it gets weird though. Like today's show - he's in Africa, very thirsty, finds some elephant crap, squeezes it over his head and drinks the liquid that comes out of it. Yeah, I almost hurled - but I would still make out with him. I mean after he brushed his teeth and stuff.
What you find if you mistakenly google "Bear Grills." Yuck.
Enough already! We can't handle snow here. We like our weather to be like the people - passive-aggressive - not straight out aggressive. Some rain would be nice with temps in the high 40's. Thanks!
Kind of pretty though - even if I am housebound.
Current view from my bed. I know it's 70 degrees in here and I'm under a sumptuous down comforter but this movie is making me fricken cold!
Oh that John Edwards - he's soooooo dreamy...... You know you're getting old when you look at what may be our next Commander in Chief and think to yourself "yeah, he's toooo....tally doable."
- smile is too gummy
- too hobbitt-like
Okay - First of all - People, please! If you can't keep animals from gnawing off parts of your kid's body while you sleep off your last bender - DON'T HAVE ANY FRIGGEN KIDS!!!! It's called birth control - look into it! Not everyone is equipped to raise future generations. Know your limits. I don't want your neglected, pissed-off-at-the world kid killing my kid, someone else's kid, or me!
Now that I've got that out of my system - check out the ads for ferret supplies next to the horrifying news story about the baby whose toes may have been chewed off by.... wait for it.....wait for it.... A FERRET!! I guess we're lucky they weren't advertising toe socks. Yes - maybe a cage would have been good, because you never know what crazy bullshit a ferret is apt to pull when left to it's own devices. That foxy ferret was probably dipping the kid's toes in drawn butter for optimal flavor enhancement while the "parents" slept.
Ugg, stuff like this makes me wish my parents were still alive so I could thank them for not killing or maiming me. Not that they didn't try though. My dad used gasoline to clean everything. Including hands. Including my hands. Hey, he only set himself on fire once and he never set me on fire. Then there was that one time in Canada when I was almost eaten by a wolf. I was covered in guts and blood from cleaning fish and my dad thought it was okay for me to wander off alone to the edge of the woods. The same woods that were full of hungry wolves. Probably a bear or two as well. I'm pretty sure that was the same summer he took me fishing and our tiny, aluminum boat almost got knocked over by a pod of crazed Orcas.
This is a fairly accurate depiction of that day. *
That was exciting.
My point is - I'm not dead, I still have all my fingers and toes and I have a shitload of cool stories to blog about. But I am starting to question whether or not my parents took out a life insurance policy on me.
* yes - that's me in the green dress
Britney Spears' new boy toy looks like Nick Lachey's retarded brother. Dude? Are you kidding me with that huge keyboard around your neck? Even you must realize it's amazing that you're getting laid.
